Happy Marriage 101
OK, so you're hooked... wouldn't it be wonderful if the basics of a happy marriage were as easy as learning a subject in school! I am still walking through this learning process, myself, but I will share some tips I've learned l along the way. Here's todays lesson...
Always Forgive...
I don't mean, "act like you forgive, but stuff it down inside yourself until you implode" or "let it go until it happens again and then let loose on him with all you've got". I mean, let it go forever, forgive and forget! Give total amnesty!
This is a choice, not a feeling. The mind inevitably replays certain events or wrong doings, but when these thoughts come in we choose to say. "I let it go. I forgive him. I grant him pardon. He is absolved of all wrong doing. I won't think about it any more."
Why Forgive? There are so many reasons... If for none other, do it for your own personal well-being. Over the last few weeks I've been dealing with feeling like my husband is married to his work. When we do get our precious time together, he is usually so worn out mentally and physically that I come away from my time with him feeling lonely or hurt. If I nurse the feelings, I grow weaker and weaker, and my stomach ties up in knots, but if I let it go, and try to nuture him when I am with him, I find that, not only do I feel better physically, but he responds so well to it, that I come away from our time together encouraged and hopeful.
When a person holds bitterness and unforgiveness within him or herself, he or she creates a toxic inner environment... mentally and physically. My mother always used to say, "If you don't forgive, you will make yourself sick." I believe it. Unforgiveness hurts the unforgiving more than the unforgiven.
Reason two to forgive... the offender is more likely to change if he is loved. Some may say, "Yeah, right!" But consider, how would you feel if all you'd ever done wrong was counted against you. The feeling would be akin to hopelessness. Now imagine being totally forgiven...doesn't it set you free. Doesn't it make you want to go do it again? Of course not, it humbles you, you've been given a second chance, and you want to get it right this time.
Let's give this gift of forgiveness to our loved ones. And if they fail us again, let's not say "I knew you couldn't do it!" Let's say, "I forgive you, and I believe you can overcome this."
"The more a man knows, the more he forgives."
-Catherine the Great
Always Forgive...
I don't mean, "act like you forgive, but stuff it down inside yourself until you implode" or "let it go until it happens again and then let loose on him with all you've got". I mean, let it go forever, forgive and forget! Give total amnesty!
This is a choice, not a feeling. The mind inevitably replays certain events or wrong doings, but when these thoughts come in we choose to say. "I let it go. I forgive him. I grant him pardon. He is absolved of all wrong doing. I won't think about it any more."
Why Forgive? There are so many reasons... If for none other, do it for your own personal well-being. Over the last few weeks I've been dealing with feeling like my husband is married to his work. When we do get our precious time together, he is usually so worn out mentally and physically that I come away from my time with him feeling lonely or hurt. If I nurse the feelings, I grow weaker and weaker, and my stomach ties up in knots, but if I let it go, and try to nuture him when I am with him, I find that, not only do I feel better physically, but he responds so well to it, that I come away from our time together encouraged and hopeful.
When a person holds bitterness and unforgiveness within him or herself, he or she creates a toxic inner environment... mentally and physically. My mother always used to say, "If you don't forgive, you will make yourself sick." I believe it. Unforgiveness hurts the unforgiving more than the unforgiven.
Reason two to forgive... the offender is more likely to change if he is loved. Some may say, "Yeah, right!" But consider, how would you feel if all you'd ever done wrong was counted against you. The feeling would be akin to hopelessness. Now imagine being totally forgiven...doesn't it set you free. Doesn't it make you want to go do it again? Of course not, it humbles you, you've been given a second chance, and you want to get it right this time.
Let's give this gift of forgiveness to our loved ones. And if they fail us again, let's not say "I knew you couldn't do it!" Let's say, "I forgive you, and I believe you can overcome this."
"The more a man knows, the more he forgives."
-Catherine the Great
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